please……
very much please

now will it really be?
oh my… scared….

so what’s the time?

{{popup fatal.jpg fatal 600x600}} OK… I hope this is really the grand opening. I might still need to tweak here and there, but this feels more or less like the real thing. What’s this place all about? well, for starters, A place to test greymatter of which I’d heard so much, but never dared till now… and also hopefully a mixed showcase for my art, of whatever style and theme it may be of.

I do have xperimentation still up, but XP is a site for XF art only and I’ve been having issues with that art… not that I don’t want to create it, it mostly don’t come. So here I figured I’d offer what I create whenever, if ever, it’s available. Meanwhile I shall try to blab from time to time too. Feel free to feel bored *grin*.

On the top left corner there’s a new piece I’d made with Gillian Anderson. Please judge kindly!

{{popup shades.jpg shades 372x410}} Another piccy. This one was actually waiting on my work hard drive, created while I was chattin’… a doodle to test some nice brushes by Euphorium called First Aid Brushes. Nice toysies.

Pity about DeviantArt’s server probs. The brush collection there is out of this world, with some delicious stuff. mGee from Digitexturia has just uploaded most of his old sets from his old site, plus some new great ones. He didn’t include descriptions so it’s a bit frustrating. He says that we shouldn’t whine, but I think we should… *grin*.

*kisses* to Tere, Oona, Mels & Ririn for being the first to comment! *blush*.

Gertie’s site was hacked! I still can’t believe it! The thing that pisses me off is that hackers usually pick on hard targets like banks, and stuff like that, or companies. They don’t find personal servers a challenge. this is a group that is so low, they’d go and attack a private person, and the only thing I can think is that they are just incapable of anything else… a bunch of low lives who seem to get a kick out of ruining the joy of private people.

Gertie is the best host one could ever have. She loves the web. She gets all happy when she learns new webby stuff and she is generous and kind and always there to help. She does NOT deserve this. Sigh.

I was thinking about adding some new art, but the reality of the country where I live in sorta took over… Just listening to the news. A suicide bombing in a university… I don’t know exactly how many dead… injured… Just that… I don’t know really what to say.

{{popup hope.jpg hope 500x500}} {{popup hopewithcolour.jpg hopewithcolour 500x500}}Ok, some art after all. The subject is HOPE which fits in well with both X-Files and everything else going on - the death here, Gert’s server being hacked… Though I really do wonder where hope has gone… Very hard to stay on the side of optimism with all that’s been lost already…

Anyway, there’s two versions of the same image, one is in colour and one is semi monotone. I just liked them both enough to have them both up here. The brushes are from Insekta (check credit links). Images from gettyone and probably chimerical (check art resources in xperimentation).

Some promotional stuff: Oona has redesigned her site, and so has Mels. Both have some great knack for amazing layouts! I gotta learn that PHP & Layers thingy… Me is bowing to Mels for just about understanding all webby techy stuff *gulp*.

A bit of a delay in updating, just an overly busy day yesterday, and I am also hosting a friend, as we’re having a little XF friends gathering today *g*. I actually got a serious craving for watching some old XF stuff. I’ve missed that… sigh, it’s all over now…

Good news for Gertie! There are some good people too, people who help and not just jerks who get a high from ruining and destroying the hard work of others. Anyway, all the sites on the hacked server have been restored, and I’m so happy that it worked out OK in the end, and wasn’t a real yucky experience (though it was terrible enough…). Gertie! *super hug* to you, for enduring all of this, and you are right - bad people *do* suck! I also wish it were so easy to leave this darned crazy place I live in… lately I do wonder why I stay… it’s only friends and family I think…

{{popup reflect.jpg reflect 404x500}} I had a nice time playing with a photoshop text effect called chrome. You can read the tutorial here. It’s by spoono. It’s got a lot of steps, but once you are done with all the layer effects you can set them as a style and save them for future use, and then you can leave the rest of the stuff for the final touches and that’s really not too much. Anyway, click on image button on the side to see what I did. Still dunno where I can implement this, but for now, I’m just happy it turned out pretty nice!

{{popup sale.jpg sale 412x550}} {{popup upnorth.jpg upnorth 700x700}} Here’s two art pieces - one X-Files which I’m not too happy bout called “Sale”… just some crazy playin’ with David. I think I can do better. The other is mostly photography blending of two images I took while I was visiting a friend up the North of Israel. The blend includes some stock photography (from gettyone.com), a new brush I just made not yet added to vbrush of hair & dirt, and some colour playing. I’m quite fond of the final result! It’s called “Up North”.

Places to go… @Pixel! What a great place. I was looking for some icon stuff actually… pixel icon stuff to make some sorta blinkie… well, to enhance the blinkie, and I found a lot of great places, but this place was *the* best! Go grab some toys!

And finally, a BIG HUG to Mels . From me. And hi Lily!

Can you tell this blog is bringing back my creativity? I should have tried this long ago. Well, I’d written blogs, but never within my XF/Art community… maybe this was the problem… I dunno.

Anyway, we’d had a friend stay over as we were invited to another friend’s place for a small gathering of philes (for the non XF people, fans of X-Files *g*). A member of our gang came to visit from the US, and what better reason to get together! We hadn’t done this for so long. We were quite a gang when XF was at its high. Gatherings like every few months at somebody’s house, watching eps (always “small potatoes” & “bad blood” *LOL*)… talking and munching… Then the series changed, and it just wasn’t the same. Each of us kept in touch with a few of the others, but no major gatherings… but yesterday really brought to life that old feeling. Everybody was just enjoying the company of people who understood… like some secret pact or something. I hope we get to do this more often.

{{popup he.jpg he 700x500}} {{popup hebw.jpg hebw 700x500}} Today I went with two other friends (from yesterday’s gathering *g*) to watch A Hollywood Ending, Woody Allen’s latest film. It wasn’t bad, but I can’t say it was his greatest. It had some great funny ‘Allen-ish’ moments, but it was a bit tiring at some parts, and well, if you’ve seen Allen stuff, you learn to know what’s gonna come next. Still, I do have a soft spot for Allen… and am not totally disappointed, hence the art you see now. Figured if I’m gonna be writing ’bout the movie, might as well create something. It’s well… not a-typical of my style. I consider it a very solid looking pic, but I can’t say I’m ashamed of it. I like playing with all sorts of style, and this movie called for the light/grunge/blend style. I also felt I had to create two versions again: colour and b&w. I just feel each have their merits. Collage credits - Brushes: myself, triberadio, asunder. Images: gettyone, rotten tomatoes.

Fuzzies *grin*. I got some real sweet comments yesterday from Melanie (who’s the gal who got me to know what blogs are!), DL, Val & Lily. Lily left some great links to sites that make dollz. So check yesterday’s comments to see them.

It’s been one of those days here. Not that I’d like to drag anybody into the everyday life of an Israeli, but well, I am Israeli and this is my everyday life lately. This day was just one big day of terror… The worst was a suicide bomber on a bus. Nine people were killed. 50 injured. This country is such a blood bath.

I left work late today. I was upset again that my work colleagues were making fun of me. Then I went and spoke with them and that made things better. So on the way home I happened to be listening to a radio program I don’t usually listen to. It was the story of a soldier who was killed in the Lebanon War. I couldn’t help crying when towards the end they spoke with his friends, and they all said that everything that is happening in Israel now, all this chaos, the Intifadah(s), it’s all derived from this war… so much death and for what?

{{popup bb.jpg bb 700x400}} All’n'all I was so miserable… the death. The loss… and the fact that everything is so bad here… just about everything. I wanted to create something positive. Something that’s related to this place… and I thought of soldiers. You know - everybody sees them on TV… and they are “The Army”… They are not treated as individual beings with feelings, and family and life, and hate and love… and just plain bein’ human. So I went in search of photos of Israeli soldiers which did not deal with the fighting… The image on the side is the result. (brushes by myself & asunder. Photos from images.google.com, gettyone.com & inertia).

Places… I just learnt that Noah Grey, the creator of greymatter, is a brilliant photographer. I am in love with his art. It’s so expressive. It’s so out of this world. I had *no* idea! And some more photography, 4x6 has some amazing collections!

Fuzzies - to Sandee! (Hey gal, can you enable annonymous posting on your LJ? I don’t have an LJ account and I wanted to write a bit).

This just in!!! Mels has opened her new Marilyn Monroe Boards. For all you MM buffs, this is a treat, and you will enjoy the sweetest of hosts!

I’ve been in a crap mood for a few days… Most likely hormonally depressed, *blah*, but everything & everybody seem bad to me. I take everything so much worse, and I wish I didn’t. I feel worried and hurt and disappointed right now. I want people to wonder, to care… to do something about it, but I don’t want to tell. I want empathy and insight, but I doubt I will get this. I wonder where on Earth empathy went, and I always feel like I got too much of it to give, and I’m tired of understanding without being told. I’d like this to work as a two-way street, but only in my dreams. If I could just somehow feel better, then some things won’t seem so bad, like they do now… but it’s so damn hard.

{{popup silent_sigh.jpg silent_sigh 454x552}} I made myself some blue David art. It was actually colourful David originally. It was only created cause I was making new brushes and I was making new brushes because I suddenly had time I didn’t plan on, and I had time I didn’t plan on because a friend stood me up. She made me look foolish. Made me call her and ask if we’re meeting. I felt like I was chasing her. She didn’t return my first call. The second time she promised to call back. She didn’t. And sadly she wasn’t the only one to make me feel this way. It’s only Marcia who cared. And she saw the pic, and loved it, and told me. I want to cry.

They spoke about possible promotion at work, but it’s gonna be at somebody’s expense, and that somebody is a work colleague. Originally they said they’d be having cutbacks and that will be the reason for one of the two system guys having to leave. It’s not fair, but it happens, and I’ve been at the other end of cutbacks already. But now they have decided that they might as well use this and lay some blame on him since he’ll already be leaving anyway. They are gonna make it look dirty, and clear their own name at his expense. This is so scaring me and making me feel rotten.

{{popup Body_Shots_-_Strangled.jpg Body_Shots_-_Strangled 850x699}} One more ray of sunshine is Syree who left me a comment to the toughest post I had posted so far. A post I felt might scare people away. Thanks so much. I wonder how many take the time to read, and if this is why people use those instant moods, cause people tire so quickly. I am adding a picture from a deviant artist called boyrobot. It’s my mood picture. I chose it cause it was suitable. Instead of instant moodicons, I have photomood.

It’s been a couple of days without bloggin’. Just been busy, and I couldn’t find the time. For at least a day my mood had picked up and things seemed better. I don’t get this current mood I’m in, though. I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen. The irony is, that I’m not even depressed or worried about the security issues here, even if I wake up to newspaper headlines dealing with gasmasks and missiles… It’s more the economic headlines that are making me feel bad. More people fired. More people needing help. Cutbacks.

At work one of the system guys will be leaving soon, and he’s actually the one I got along better with, and the one that has more professional knowledge. They’re having cutbacks, and the irony is that I will possibly benefit from this, but the thought of me moving up while a person loses his job… It depresses me. What’s worse is that they will put blame on him, and they’d admitted it, that they need to put some blame and since he’d be goin’ anyway, they’d use this. I’m scared… this can happen to me one day, and there’s also so much I don’t know, and I relied on this person… and now he’d be goin’, and then what? In all honesty I believe I’d probably make it, but until it actually happens, I won’t know.

There’s also good things to say here, not all bad. Roy & I are goin’ on a holiday mid next month. It will be to the UK, and we’re goin’ to focus on Wales to which I’d never been to. I’ve been busy planning our trip. I’d gotten a great piece of software: Microsoft AutoRoute Express, and it’s been a great help in planning everything, since we’d be traveling by car. I really need some leisurely place with no worries, just ancient castles and sheep. To think of the irony. Those places used to be battlefields filled with bloodhsed and horror, and now I’m hoping to use them as my respite from all the madness here.

{{popup lostvoice.jpg lostvoice 360x620}} I’m posting a small piece of grunge art I’d made called Lost Voice. The photo is of Roy’s guitar, while I stood behind the guitar case. Something about this composition caught my eye. I monotoned the image and grunged the hell out of it with some new brushes. The lonliness of the guietar, just like standing in the corner, brought the image title. Small credit: Asunder.

Some replies to comments.
Syree - thanks for stopping by again, and for the words of support. The greatness of vbrush is that I’ve had the chance to see so much of the web thanks to it. And I’ve gotten some warm letters that brightened my day. The irony of living here, is that one gets used to it after a while. Not that I’m happy or anything, but it’s like a defence mechanism. If you don’t get used to it, you go crazy. Deep down you fear your death, and I have a horrid reaction to ambulance sirens, but on the surface… it’s like… well, ok…
Lily - sigh… I know. That’s the horror of terror. It doesn’t choose its victims. Nobody is safe. Those two ladies came here. Loved and here, and died here… There’s no justification for any of this.
Ranee - Thanks sweetheart! LOL, that makes me sound like an old lady *g*. I never heard from that gal who stood me up… I thought I’d call again, but I figure she’s busy and well, whatever will be will be. Am not happy ’bout it, but am movin’ on.
Mary - huggles back, gal - you have a brilliant blog. I’m gonna be linkin’ it!

Places… Tre has a new design! Oona redesigned her blog (such beauty!), and Tere is hosting a grand collection of birthday cards for David & Gillian created by XF Artists. Also, thanks to Tere & Mels who created a new forum for photography at Creative. *hugs*.

I’d thought I’d postpone writing till I got home, but I honestly feel I should write when I want to, and not only when I have a piece of art to post (which I have… at home). I’m still in this crazy emotional sensitive mood I’d been for the passing days. I’d had a hard time pinpointing the source, but I’m graduallly reaching the conclusion it’s work-related.

I’m definitely thinking I’m recognizing some form of post-traumatic distress in myself… related to me losing my job just around this time last year. I can distinctly remember feeling awful at that time, and miserable and very disfunctional as the rumour mill of cutbacks churned through my brain. I am feeling the same way right now. The reasons somewhat different, but the main similar factor is that this equasion has too many unknowns to it, and I just so fear the unknown.

They might fire one of the sys admins, and they might promote me, they might lose both sys admins, I might be promoted to sys admin with a new guy who knows nothing of the system, they might leave me with the sys admin whom I don’t get along too well with, this sys admin might also leave on his own accord as he’s looking for a job, I might become an internal lottery worker, I might not, the big boss might lose his job, or he may not… *bloody brain stew*!!!

It all sums up to me being a nervous wreck, feeling so sad, and vulnerable, I can’t seem to find a cozy spot anywhere, and I long for it, but I truly don’t know where I can find it, and currently I just wish I knew what the future held so I could prepare in advance… Crazy? LOL, maybe it’s small potatoes to some. Me… changes are my nemesis… well, some are… *gulp*.

Some links to make you feel this wasn’t all just a waste of time:
The Alphabet Synthesis Machine - weird, but a great little idea!
IntuitivMedia - New stock image source
Unmondo - Another sock image site
Were Here - Great forum (will be added to my “Frequent” section)
Bliss - The Official Téa Leoni Fanlisting, reopened and redesigned by Tere

OK…

So sorry, but whoa… this real life thing just got in the way, plus a new web project Type:obsession the new Font fanlisting I’d just opened… Well, actually, it wasn’t planned to be opened on this weekend, just that I’d mentioned the site’s URL to a gal from TheFanlistings.net, and it was published ahead of time… so I had to make like a major dash for it…

I want to reply to all the amazing stuff in the comments, you people, you really made me feel better… It’s *SO* important to read such things… I’ve got lots more to say, but we’re off to lunch at Roy’s parents… and then goin’ to mine, and poof, there goes another day… But, I want to write here, and I will. ::HUGS:: to everybody.

I’d put off planning our trip cause the weekend before last, after I was so excited about my Route Express program and I had like everything planned on my own, I went to visit my parents and showed my plans to my dad, and he just sorta tossed most of them out the window… He didn’t do it in a mean way, not at all, just that my parents had already been to Wales and they know what’s good and what we should skip, and so, like entire days got cut short, new places were added, and I… well, I think I sorta panicked, and I just didn’t want to look at the trip.

I’m the sort of person who really needs to know ahead… I guess unplanned surprises are not really my thing. I want to be ahead of this trip… *gulp*, not very spontaneous of me, but hey, I’d rather not waste good Wales time on some dump place. So, after I’d thought I was such a brilliant planner, I suddenly felt sorta terrified of it all… So I just sorta put it off… But this weekend I sat with my dad again, and well, after that I still felt that terrified “How we’re gonna do it?” feeling, and so I decided that a person like me needs to have everything in writing, so I know what we have to get, where we have to be sorta thing, like every day of the trip. So while Roy was driving home, I found some scrap of paper and made the list, and I actually finally found the courage to start booking places, well, more like collecting links to possible accommodation. At least now I know where we can possibly stay in London, and I do hope it will be an OK place.

The first time Roy & I went to London we stayed at a place called The Boka Hotel… I can tell you one thing, Hotel, it ain’t! It was cheap, but for cheap we got to use common toilets and showers, had a ton of springs popping up our backs when we tried to sleep and ate the most disgusting version of the English Breakfast (eggs swimming in a bucket of oil… oily coffee… almost like prison food… YUCK!). Still, that visit forged our love for London, and well, made us realise it would be great if we moved into a place together! That was… hmmm… 7 years ago… WOW!

{{popup forvered.jpg forvered 400x400}} Some things to say to people - to Ranee - thanks so much for the gift! I know I’m late in posting it here, but it was so bloody sweet of you, you have *NO* idea just how sweet! To Mels - thanks for worrying and caring… I think that, well… I like it when somebody goes out of his/her way to worry. It made me feel special and cared for, and well, I honestly was having some really wicked mood and I needed every little bit of attention. To Lily - you are one hellova gal! I know cause I’ve seen you in action, caring, helping - you are always there thinking of others! I’m crossing fingers that you get to spend many good times with your two guys! To Mary - hey, you made my comments grow! *grin*, and well, I’m still popping to read your stuff - you’re inspiring! And to Sandee - hugs and kisses back to you gal.

Finally, on a more creative whim I made a new font. I gave it the weird title “Fat Horse”… It was created using the free pen tool, expanding it’s selection, and adding brushes to make it sorta dirty. The result is a weird font like this one here. If you want it, click on the image to download, and please, please take the time to credit me if you use it. (BTW, am planning on rebuilding my fonts page next, so stay tuned!).

The hormonal crazies are upon me, or else there’s no reason for my mood comin’ and goin’ like it were some bus stop *grumble*. We’re actually gonna see that new Tom Cruise movie which everybody’s talkin’ bout, and I’m actually quite impressed cause this will be the third movie I’d seen in a very short period of time after such a dry period… but first let’s hope we get to see it *gulp*

I’d been forced into givin’ a presentation at work about backups so that some showoff director can say how brilliant his team is. I hate stupid politics, and it was a big waste of good precious time, and I’d been so shaken by it all that I didn’t do much else after it. When I don’t get to do some work right from the beginning of the day things really just go slow after it. Anyway, I’d had a minor blackout while presenting my stuff, but my boss came to my rescue with a guiding question that put me back on track. I also had to endure the interrogation of our dept. head as to how certain things work… *UGH*.

{{popup display.jpg display 700x525}} Bit of art. Some photo I’d taken at an art mall in haifa, North of Israel. Some sort of weird vases… I’d enhanced the piccy with things I like. Nothing brilliant, just like to have something colourful to add to my updates… even though right now it doesn’t fit my mood. NOT at all…

Not much else… dull life all around mostly, which is probably a good thing. Me wants to do something but can’t really put finger as to exactly what… Know that feeling?

Goody link! BrainJar

It’s just a chance to write I guess, cause I have no time for much else…

We went to a wedding last night, friends from Roy’s work… it was the most old-fashioned wedding I’d been too in a long while, the classical sorta Israeli wedding common in the eighties and early nineties… *gulp*. Unexciting food, a dull hall, boring music, tedious rabbi… but well, the company was good - Roy’s work mates are real nice, even though most are 10-20 years older than myself, and I guess that made up for everything else, and the wedding hall was about a 5 min walk from our home, which was so weird.

Aside from that, I’m managing to prove that women with PMS should not drive… I’m a neurotic piece of goo, and the day before yesterday I’d forgotten to take the car radio panel with me, meaning I had too much time to think on my hands (or on my head…), and being that I’m a pile of nerves I managed to not notice a huge semi-trailer until it brushed along side my car, leaving me in a state of shock, and the car with an ugly dent *pout*. It made me feel even worse… and that may explain why I woke up today from a dream, where I’d somehow managed to enter an intersection when the light was red and a million cars were buzzing next to me and I was totally dazed and confused.

And today I’ve got two major issues to tackle at work, and I’m like horrified… I guess it’s the first time I’m running a major project, and I hadn’t had much time to really give it my full attention. Now I have to preper a demonstration of it… it’s called Citrix, but for the non IT people this would probably mean nothing. I’m quite proud of earning the trust to run this deal, but if I were a true system person, I’d have the time to fully devote to this issue so I could read about it and know it inside out. But, being that I seem to have many hats at work, I can’t seem to get into the citrix to a degree that will enable me to feel comfy… Not until, if at all, they will change my status and give me the chance to devote myself completely to this line of work. For now I am also the PC technician, and when is needed also backup to the helpdesk…

Finally, the one issue still on my mind is the fact that I think I have lost a good friend, but she doesn’t have the nerve to tell me this. The irony is, that I think I deserve a second chance, considering I’d been by her side, and she’s judging me over a single incident. I’d try to regain her friendship, but I feel that she isn’t interested, but possibly I’m wrong, but she is not exactly volunteering information, which truly adds to my misery, and is not something I’d recommend with PMS.

Today’s hot link: Web Reference HTML tutorials. Now, you’d think… “HTML? why, everybody knows that!”, but this resource explains a lot of issues, and my current interest is CSS positioning, and all the subject of DIV tags and layers, and it’s all Gertie’s and Mels’ fault, but I’m excited about this new concept, and am planning of learning it so I can use it when I redesign my fonts page. Wait and you’ll see.

Hello to E.J. - you darling left me such a sweet letter! made me feel extra happy - I’d love to give you great links everyday, and I hope to soon have some new photos worth posting. I’m counting on our trip next month to provide some good material. Stay tuned, and E.J…. where are your photos?.

I’m an awful blog slacker, but I can explain! I swear I can. When I tell people I don’t have much time, I don’t usually kid, and although I did spend a lot of time netting last week, it was spent mostly on a new collaborative project Tere & I were working on. Tere thought it’s time Fredfarmers & Web-Glitters had a fanlisting. Maybe it’s somewhat self-adoration on our behalf, but a lot of this is also for Gert. You see, these two site collectives, they’re her babies. And also, I cannot deny that Fredfarm is really made of some top sites. I don’t know if I am top top, but I do know that web-designing is something I like and I also put plenty of time into creating something I hope would aesthetic, and the same goes for all Fredfarmers. Of-course, it doesn’t go to say nothing else in the web is as good, but well, it just goes to say that Fredfarm is good too!… Did I get tangled? Would you people who kindly read this place think of being Celebrity Glamour fans? Sigh… my point is - it’s HUGE, this collective - it’s got some great stuff, and we just wanted to make something special for it *grin*.

On a production level I must say I had a lot of fun. I’ve never worked on a site together with another person and I was so happy working with Tere. I drove her crazy… “make this, make that, I want this, no, that…” and she just went and did, and created. Then I had the chance of implementing new web-skills I’d learnt just now. Finally gotten the handle of CSS. Now I know how the syntax works. It’s so clear, I don’t understand how I’d not realised it before. I used a style sheet. No more internal styles. I’ve discovered layering and positioning thanks to Mels, and I can’t see myself ever going back… and sigh about browser compatibility. I guess I won’t be as nice to Netscape 4 fans as I used to be. There’s just so much I can stand, and I’ve been considerate far too long. Time to face the music. Move to newer Netscapes if you like Netscape so much. And I also implemented iframes, and found them to be a great new treat! And finally, I’d tried to use the script Gert gave me brushmania but even after configuring it to bits, it refused to work. Then I checked megabook and my jaw dropped. It was so easy, so configurable, I thought “Why on Earth didn’t I use this before???”. It was fun all the way. I had a great partner in crime (Tere!), and I think I’d love to do more such collaborations in the future.

{{popup deadsunflower5.jpg deadsunflower5 395x520}} {{popup cact5.jpg cact5 395x520}} {{popup havoosh.jpg havoosh 395x520}} What else… I wanted to share some new photos. We were invited to Roy’s aunt yesterday. Her son is going away to study in England for four years and we came to say our good-byes. Roy’s mom suggested that I’d bring the camera and I was glad I did. They live in a farm and behind the house in the backyard various items were growing. I found some spectacular items to take shots of and my G2’s macro option worked its miracle on the items. Suddenly a cactus and some dead sunflowers combined with a sunset turned out brilliant! On the left side of this paragraph you can see three resized samplings. Click on images to see the greater details.

Workwise the first big change I was expecting came to be. That bigger boss, the one who insisted we lie to cover his ass, informed us he won’t be with us next year. I knew about it cause a colleague who had inside info chose to share. I don’t like gloating so I won’t, but I do think that for once justice was done. Somehow this guy managed to get away with so much, but he was caught. He thought possibly the people working below him were either extremely dumb, naive, scared or overly trustworthy that he could tell us to shut up about his messups and that we’d keep doing this forever, possibly until we, and not him, lost our jobs.

On a personal level, my immediate boss says it might not bode too well. Although the old bigger boss (the one who’s leaving) was really no good, he was still the one who had managed to push my possible promotion forward, and now, who knows… For now, my immediate boss says he would still insist that in November I’d get promoted to 2nd degree technician… but it won’t be good if I won’t be able to practice system works fully, but beggars can’t be choosers. I just want to keep my job. That’s all. It’s actually about now that I was told I was fired last year… and I’m getting fear feelings each time I remember.

Things I wanted to tell the lovely people who left me the latest comments:
To Shi, Ranee, Lily & Erica who wrote to me about my friend. Me and the friend, we met the week before last. She insisted she doesn’t want to talk to me about the incident, but that she would still like us to meet. I felt a bit awkward cause it was like something was hanging in the air, of which we couldn’t speak of, though I felt that we should, and it’s just not fun this way, but still, it was good that we met. Since then we haven’t spoken, but mostly cause I was busy… and maybe she’s waiting for me to call, which I will… maybe even today… and possibly also she’s been busy. After all, nobody’s world truly revolves around me (last I heard, that is). The final outcome is unclear … but I do feel it’s better, and that with time it will be OK. I thought maybe all was lost the last time I wrote. I don’t feel so anymore.
To Mary, Ranee & Shi - thanks gals and ::hugs:: for the words about the altered vase images. Nothing better than to get such feedback on an image I had no great opinion of, myself *g*.

Place to go…
Everlasting Star. A beautiful fan site for Marilyn Monroe created by the ever talented Mels. I cannot say if I’m a fan of Marilyn, but I am definitely a fan of Mels. The design and the amount of effort she put into this stunning site make it a must in my books! My personal fave from the site are the excellent scans of Marilyn from various periods. Top quality stuff!
TVcaps.com. A brilliant idea which dropped into my laps thanks to Creative (and Marina who mentioned it!). A site that collects top quality captures from the latest TV shows all at one go. For a collagist this is Haven on Earth!
Run together. A collection of fan art by Rose. Like many, I’ve been a great fan of Rose’s X-Files art, and lately she’s expanded beyond X-Files to other subjects. She has put her new art in this new space, and each piece is drool worthy with some stunning wallpapers in various sizes. My favourite is her Minority Report piece which is to DIE for.
Liquisoft. If nothing else - it’s worth while coming by to adore the design! But if you want an additional treat, you must check out the wallpapers.
Voidix’s Tools. A nice collection of tools for the webmaster. Thought some people might find’em handy.

Am actually still at work, though I should have gone home an hour ago… it’s not proper, but dunno… my mood’s off for various reasons… (collective readers’ moan… “on no! bot again…”). Anyway… here goes… The mood rant:

It started with the trip, or moreover, the booking for the trip… The date is getting near and yesterday I began calling places we wanted to book. I more or less booked five places (awaiting confirmation for two), and still need to book three more. Dunno why but the closer we get to the trip, the weirder and more worried I feel. I’m thinking I don’t want to be away from work so they’d think they can manage without me… Can you believe that? I’m truly traumatized by my unemployment last year (today will be my unemployment one year anniversary… [note: am working now] ). I haven’t yet taken any holiday, or sick leave… at times I think I don’t want to ever miss a day of work at all. I’m scared of losing my job again. I don’t think I’d be able to get another one… and I just don’t trust people anymore when they say that everything will be alright. They said it last year and hey, things weren’t alright…

The second thing is silly and minor but I think it’s riding on my other worries. I spoke to Aya {hebrew}, my friend from the Israeli Blog Forum {hebrew}. I have been debating with myself whether I should tell the forum about the blog. Dunno exactly why… maybe mostly cause the blog’s in English and well, it’s the first blog I really like, maybe cause of the people who leave me messages. My Creative Friends mostly ::hugs::. I sorta felt that people from the Israeli blog forum might not relate… but anyway, I wanted to share and Aya’s just extra nice! So she convinced me to reveal the blog over at the forum, and so I did. I didn’t ask for feedback… at least not re the design. I’m happy with it. I like it and I don’t feel the need to change it. The comments were sorta mixed… and had nothing to do with contents… just that the design looked good and complaints about the fonts size being too small… But everybody uses this size nowadays… and it’s just prettier. I hate huge type, with all my might I do… Silly, eh? Anyway, Aya told me to relax and I got a sweet comment from cupid girl who’s blog you should read! Thanks!

And what really made me feel worse is about my friend, though this is just as silly, and is all in my head… It’s the same gal I told you I felt I was possibly losing… I didn’t hear from her, and today I called, just a short while ago. Suddenly it seems she’s hired an apartment… it was weird to find out about this. Weird not being in the loop… I felt rotten that she wasn’t sharing anything with me voluntarily. Sigh… I don’t know what to do… she was very happy and I was glad for her, just that I was feeling sorry for myself, that had I not rung her up, I would have found about it maybe after she’d already moved out. I’m feeling hurt I guess… wondering what to do to get over this. Truly no point in brooding over this, but I think it’s just a general sorta mood.

Finally - Readers - please supply your opinion:
This is for my trip actually - I want to know if cybercafes (or internet cafes) allow people to install software on their PCs. The reason being: I’d like to install my Camera’s USB driver to download photos to preserve space on the memory card. Any info would be VERY helpful! Thanks! (especially if you know anything bout this in the UK!).

Check out… linkies…
Who Fonted. Nice little font collection. Some known stuff, some less known. Nice design, too.
xFFx. Kim’s redesign. She’s gotta lotsa new art. She’s 16 and bloody talented!